By Camilo Londono
1st down is the least severe - 3rd down is the most severe. This series will be analyzing the worst performing teams for each event. For events prior to Event 4, I suggest reading Eric Evonsion’s insightful articles!
1st Down - Balls of Chaos
The Balls of Chaos has earned its place in my 1st down for the Bobsleigh event. A very shocking, but insignificant performance on their part, coming out with a total time, with penalties, of 16.67 seconds. This earned them second to last out of all 16 competitors, yes, even Team Momo did better. An early exit by Anarchy followed by another exit by Clutter led to an inevitable 16+ second time. What caused this was a lack of preparation for the rigor of the bobsleigh course. Anarchy’s comments on the poorly kept course following their dreadful performance have caused some even suggest foul play on part of the Orangers, the team before them. Despite all of this, the Balls of Chaos remain, comfortable, in first place.
2nd Down - Speeders
The infamous Savage Speeders have landed themselves in my 2nd down for the fourth event of the MarbleLympics. An immature and very early exit by Swifty cost them vital points. To make matters worse, Swifty failed to stay ahead of his group, which reduced the speed of his teammates. A drop in the overall standings by two positions embodies my thoughts on their performance. What distinguished the performance quality of the Savage Speeders and the Balls of Chaos is that the Speeders are experts in this; maintaining a high velocity over s short period of time. Their failure to live up to their reputation of being the most savage of speeders makes their performance even worse. Are the Savage Speeders just a summer team?
3rd Down - Team Momo
What a surprise, Team Momo has had another dreadful Olympic performance. Once a fan favorite with their creativity and team spirit is now a source of abuse and mockery from its fans. In their first run, the bobsleigh actually stopped; something that has only happened once before in the 1997 Winter Olympics with the Wooly Wombats (Master Jelle never uploaded this monstrosity). Further aerodynamic analysis reveals a disturbance in weight distribution, probably from Mo’s big breakfast. This alone would have gave Team Momo my third down, but they also had Momomo fall ill and Momomomo to fall unconscious. You’d think such a team with their caliber would be able to sustain the extremities of the bobsleigh. To top it all off, Team Momo’s surge in motivation and hunger for gold following Momomomo’s injury in the Summer Olympics’ Fidget Spinner Event suggested a resurrrected and invincible team, in which this event has proved is definitely not the case. Could Momomomo be the root of their problems? Does Mimo deserve a starting position?